Got Wedding Etiquette?

Q & A With an Etiquette Expert As an etiquette specialist, I receive countless wedding etiquette questions.   Many of these questions concern the use of a wedding gift registry.   Even though this tool has been in place for decades now, many are still confused about how to use it.   What follows are a few of my answers to wedding gift registry questions.   Must I buy from the registry? Q : Must I buy a wedding gift from the registry?   If not, may I choose a gift I want to give?   For example, I like to buy all my soon-to-be-married friends a nice set of wine glasses.   The issue here is that my friend didn’t register for wine glasses. A : Many people do not know this, but a wedding registry is supposed to be a guideline as to what the couple wants and needs.  A wedding guest shouldn’t feel as if the items from the registry list are obligatory and the only gift choices. Guests may choose to give any gift they wish.  Consequ...

How to Decode the Dress Code and to Give the Right Gift Many questions I receive as an etiquette consultant are from wedding guests. Guests are especially concerned with what they should wear and what they should give as gifts .   All who contact me are deeply worried about committing any type of faux pas, as many weddings tend to be surrounded by drama these days. For example, one guest shared that the bride called fuming that the gift she shipped to the bride's home was inadequate, so she returned it to the store for cash—true story.     With crazy, hurtful behavior like that, it is no wonder wedding guests are apprehensive about wedding guest protocol. How do we know what to wear to a wedding? Wedding invitations are supposed to help guests understand the formality of a wedding.   Often, this is not the case.   Here is a real-life example: a guest received an invitation of heavy-weight paper indicating a formal wedding, but the location listed was a...

  In the movie "You Again," Jamie Lee Curtis and Sigourney Weaver — as mothers of bride and groom – both wore red, off-the-shoulder dresses to the rehearsal dinner.   Yikes!   All eyes traveled to the attractive red dots floating around the room.   This, of course, isn't the best attire for mothers to wear to any wedding-related event.   But, what about wedding guests?   What is proper attire for wedding guests to wear to the wedding and how is it determined? Pay Attention to the Details The wedding invitation is our first clue to the formality of the wedding, and thus to our attire.   The heaviness of the paper, time of day, and the type of venue give us hints.   Usually, daytime weddings are less formal.   Couples use heavier paper for invitations for formal weddings.   Most often they will include the wording, "Formal" or "Black Tie" in the lower left-hand corner.    And, if the venue seems formal, the wedding usua...

  Learn what formally taboo colors are now proper to wear for a wedding and the one color that is not in this informative wedding etiquette article.   The Mother of the Bride wants to wear the lacy white skirt-suit she bought especially for her daughter’s wedding.   Is it appropriate?   Hmmm...   How about that spicy red number the Groom’s cousin yearns to don?   Hold onto your cummerbunds, we’re diving into the wedding attire info pool.   Wearing White Some still consider wearing white to a wedding as an insult to the bride, as if stealing the spotlight.   But it just isn't so.   A little white here and there is not an issue.   It is an issue if the outfit appears to be wedding attire .   Wearing Black Wearing black, especially as the mother of the groom, was once viewed as a symbol of her disapproval.   It was also viewed as a faux pas for wedding guests to wear black before 6 pm. Luckily, this is not the case t...

Dear Polite One, I recently married in the Bahamas with only 3 witnesses and no family. We want to host a simple ceremony and celebration once we arrive in the states. We plan to include a flower girl and ring bearer and my parents walking me down the aisle.     I understand that I shouldn't register or expect bridal showers, but many ask me where I'm registered and when I am having a shower. What should I do? For the reception, I want to have refreshments, dancing but no alcohol.   Is this proper manners ? Wants to share our joy Dear Wants to Share Our Joy, It isn't appropriate to host a second wedding or vow renewal.   It’s too soon after your first.   So, it is most appropriate to host a reception.   If you do host a vow renewal, there are no wedding elements, like attendants, including child attendants, and no one walks down the aisle with you.   You don't need an escort.   It is best if you and your husband walked in from the ...

  One of my many interviews during my decades as principal of Etiquette Now! Author: Lynette Hingle, studioD Guests Lodging Etiquette My Input ...the bride and groom are only required to pay for the wedding party’s lodging. All other invitees will be expected to pay for the cruise themselves. Therefore, it is wise to contact all your invited guests with the dates and available cruise package options as soon as your wedding plans are finalized. Invitations ...there are no etiquette rules concerning verbal invitations, and it is permissible to seek verbal commitments from prospective attendees. You may also want to send save-the-date cards with written travel arrangement itineraries but be aware that proper etiquette insists that an invitation be sent to everyone who has received a save-the-date card. You may also want to put the word out to your wedding guests that they should mail gifts to your home before or after the wedding. While wedding gifts are always apprecia...

  It seems that when a couple decides to marry it is just one joyous party after another until the final bash, better known as the wedding reception.   Scenes from the Wedding Crashers are now dancing in my head.   Sorry for the detour; moving on... Each party comes with its own set of etiquette rules and traditions.   For example, some pre-wedding parties are typically gift-giving events, such as the wedding shower, while the bachelor, bachelorette, and engagement parties are not.   And what about the wedding reception?   What if the couple decides to marry out of state and most close friends and relatives cannot attend?   Is it proper to host a belated reception?   And, if it is proper, how long after a wedding is it appropriate to host a reception?   So many questions. Perhaps a bit of Q & A can guide us toward being better, more polite, guests and hosts, while answering all those pesky questions.   Do I attend my friend'...

  Angry Social Media Posting Brides Commit Major Etiquette Faux Pas     Alarming as it may be to those who know better, it appears that many are unaware of the simplest of etiquette rules: Be grateful when someone gives a gift.   With these days of skyrocketing travel costs and cash-strapped wallets, this is especially true for wedding gift recipients.   After all, attending a wedding can be awfully expensive for guests. As an etiquette consultant, I feel the need to offer a manners tutorial due to a couple of recent exceptionally bizarre bridezilla stories floating around the Internet.   What are the stories? One unappreciative bride chastised a guest via text message about a gift basket filled with gourmet goodies he gave instead of cash.   The other gag-inducing story involved a financially struggling guest the bride publicly chastised via social media for giving a less than adequate cash gift.   Honestly, I'm not making this up. ...

  As an etiquette consultant, I’ve answered wedding etiquette questions for over 20 years.   Interestingly, very few brides know what to do about their flower girls.   They don’t know how to dress them, how to include them in pre-wedding events, and what gift to give them.   Luckily, I have all the answers.   More than that, I have also included a wedding challenge quiz question buried somewhere in this article.   See if you can answer it correctly. How should I dress my flower girl? Dress your flower girl in age-appropriate attire similarly in style with other bridesmaids.   Since the proper age for a flower girl is between the ages of four and eight, safety and maneuverability are important as well.   Little ones could trip over a long skirt.   Consider that she may hit a growth spurt so it’s best to choose a dress that can be ordered near to the wedding date.   Her shoes should be flats and look like those worn by the bri...

  Etiquette Tips for Guest As a guest, it is important to remember that you are not the focus.   Keep that in mind.   It is easy to be a courteous guest.   Attire Unless it is part of the culture of the bridal couple, guests do not wear red.   It steals the show. Avoid revealing attire. Dress in the formality of the event. When in doubt, ask the couple or a member of the family what the dress code is. Behavior Avoid being too loud. Be observant and respectful of traditional wedding and reception elements. Remember that it isn’t all about you.    Yikes! Alcohol Consumption No brainer!   Don’t overindulge.   Drink plenty of non-alcoholic beverages to avoid embarrassing yourself and others.   Etiquette Tips for Gift Giving Couples, please remember that the shower is optional and wedding guests invited to the shower are then responsible for two gifts, one for the shower and one for the wedding, so be kind, th...